a [piece] of [string] walks into a bar, the bartender see him and says “Hey! we don’t serve string here, you’ll have to leave!”. The string goes out, he sees a friend, he has his fiend tie a [knot] in his middle and muss his ends up. The string turns around, walks back into the bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks at him and asks “Aren’t you that piece of string that was in here a few minutes ago?” The string replys “[frayed] Knot”
woah girl polka dots just aren’t for you sorry =\ I really love how educational Marina is, reminds of the hotforprofits girl and her work at home methods.
After hours,I went back to a mates house for a few more beers. There were no clocks or watches about so I asked my friend what the time was. He pulled out this 5ft Gong and a hammer, opened the window then gave the gong a massive loud bang. Soon after, the neighbour shouted across “What the bloody hell do you think you are doing making that noise at four in the morning!”
On settling up the hotel bill, I was shocked by the amount “£650? What on earth for, we only stayed on evening!” – “Well Sir, we have a swimming pool” – “But I didn’t use it!” -”It was there Sir, you could have used it, as with the Gym, the bowls green or the health and beauty club!” – “Oh, I see!” – So I payed the £650 and gave the hotel receptionist an invoice for £550. – “What is this please Sir?” – “Well, you know my wife?” – “Yes!” – “She was also here, you could have used her!”
The mrs came home caught me swatting flies..”I have killed five flies, three males and two females” – ” How do you know what sex they are?” – “Well, three were resting on the empty beer cans, the other two were sat on the phone!”
went for a pint the other evening, walked in bumping into a midget, “Sorry, I didn’t see you there my friend, let me buy you a pint” – we got chatting, I asked what it is that he does. “I’m in the circus, has been in the family for years. My wife will be here soon, it’s our wedding anniversery, you’ll get to meet her” – when suddenly, in walks this 7ft 4″ woman, full of beard and muscles. “Can I buy you a drink to celebrate?” – “No thanks, I’m pregnant” she replied. “Oh,will it be a boy or a girl?” – “We don’t mind what it is, only as long it fits into the cannon!”
Many
years ago in England , pub frequenters had
a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When
they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. ‘Wet
your whistle’ is the phrase inspired by this
practice.
a mouth, two eyes, two ears and a nose go to a bar one day, the bar man refuses to give them any drinks. Mouth asked why this was, bar man replied because you are already off your faces!!
Leonard my friend, long time, how are you?
I would love to carry on with all this but you know something, I don’ think I can!
Well, it’s not the news I was waiting for Leonard. See, This morning, I had to visit the doctor again, been having this really bad pain for over a year now!
I said to doctor, “Doc, it really does hurt when I do that”
I hope this old joke hasn’t been covered already,I’m behind and no time to read all the posts.
A length of rope walks into a bar,jumps up on the barstool and says “Hey Bartender,gimme a drink”,the Bartender walks over and says “Sorry Pal,We don’t serve alcohol to ropes in here”.The rope was very pissed-off as He walked out because it was the 3rd bar He had gotten the same response from and a terrible thirst was upon Him.
Right then a stranger walked past and the rope says “Hey,fella,tie Me into knot would Ya? The stranger did,”OK,now fray My ends would Ya? the stranger did.
The length of rope went back into the last bar,jumped up on the barstool and said “Hey,Bartender,bring Me a drink”,the Bartender walks over,looks close and says “Hey,are You that length of rope I just denied service to?”..The length of rope says “Nope,,I’m a frayed knot”,He got His drink.
Three guys, an Englishman, and Scotishman and an Irishman walk into a pub and wait to be served. They all suffer with a stutter. The bar lady was a beautiful buxom blond, very attractive. She looks at the Englishman and asks what he would like to drink. The Englishman replied ‘P…pp..pp..per…per..per.. per…pint of bitter’ – The Scotish guy replied ‘w..w..wer…wer..wer..wer.whiskey’ – The Irish guy replied ‘G…G…Ger..Ger…Ger..Guiness’ — The bar lady got there drinks and thought it would be fun to ask ‘If any of you can tell me where you come from, with out suttering, you can come upstairs and sleep with me’ – The three guys were all really happy and agreed to give it ago. Firstly the English Guy sad ‘I come from L..L…Ler. Ler…Ler London, sod it!’ – The Scottish guy said ‘ I come from G..G…Gla…Glas…Glasgow, sod it!’ – The Irish guy said ‘ I come from London!’ – ‘Great!’ relpied the bar lady, ‘lets got to bed!’ – So up stairs they went and got busy with it. When the Irish guy was just about to climax he finished by saying ‘de…der..de..der…de derry!’ (its the way you tell ‘em!)
I hope no one is offended by this somewhat not politically correct joke, but it’s a good one. I mean no harm. It’s better with the visuals, but hopefully you get it.
A teacher takes his hearing impaired students across the street to a bar. He says to the bartender, holding up one finger, “this means they want a beer”. Holding up two fingers, he says, “this means they want a shot, okay?” The bartender says he’s got it. The teacher says he has to go back to class and to call him if there are any problems.
A couple of hours later the bartender comes running into the classroom, panicking. The teacher asks what’s wrong? The bartender replies, holding up one finger, “okay. This means they want a beer, right?” The teacher nods. Holding up two fingers, the bartender says, “and this means they want a shot, right?” The teacher again nods. “So what’s the problem then?”
The bartender opens and closes his fingers against his thumb rapidly, sort of like a duck quacking motion, and says, “so what the heck does this mean?”
The teacher replies, “Oh my God! Now you’ve got them singing I’ll never get them out of there!”
I always hear in nautical term “mother of pearl”….so I know it has something to do with a rainbowish shine…I believe?….but if I’m wrong….who is this mother of a pearl? Dear, hotforwords, if you could please investigate.
Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.
‘Congratulations,’ says the nurse to the new parents. ‘Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?’
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, ‘Well, two Wong’s don’t make a white, so I think we will name him…
Liberal and conservative are not political parties. There is the Republican party and the Democrat primarily, along with some less successful parties like libertarians, Green, Etc. Most Democrats lean toward liberal ideals and Republicans usually lean toward conservative ideals. There are liberal Republicans and conservative Democrats. In a very very general sense of the words, liberal means to be generous and conservative less than generous. Although everyone has different ideas on what generosity is, so these labels don’t really give accurate descriptions of the parties. I don’t really feel that it is generous to raise my taxes every chance you get.
Hello Marina,
Your appearance today is very refined and cultivated.
Beautiful as always.
OK, enough of that. Time for more fun!
“Alcohol and Psychics don’t mix- never drink and divine.”
Warren
“I’d rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.”
Fred Allen
“One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.”
George Carlin
“I don’t drink these days. I’m allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.”
Robert Downey Jr.
“My wife says that I’m Scotch by absorption.”
Magnus Magnusson
“Work is the curse of the drinking class”
Oscar Wilde
Stages of Drunkenness
1. Witty and Charming
2. Rich and Famous
3. Benevolent
4. Clairvoyent
5. Patriotic
6. Witty and Charming Part Two
7. Invisible
8. Bulletproof
A drunk walked into a bar and the bartender refused to serve him. “You’ve had too much to drink, I’m not serving you”.
Five minutes later the drunk came in again. The bartender stood firm. “There’s no way I’m serving you more alcohol. You’ve had more than enough already”. Another five minutes and the same thing happened and the bartender once again refused. The drunk nodded. “I guess I must be,” he said. The last two places said the same thing”.
A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husbands key in the door. “Stay where you are”, she said. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice that you’re in bed with me.”
Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed. He turned to his wife: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?”
“Nonsense”, said the wife. “You’re so drunk, you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there.”
The husband climbed out of bed and counted. “One, two, three, four. You’re right, you know.”
“One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.”
George Carlin
dang, what a whoos!
The palinka we make around here is around 45-48 degrees, and drink that from the fridge on a hot day
Also, did any of you guys drink the 80 deg. Absynth from the bottle?
If not, don’t! If you like breathing as a habit, just trust me on this one.
I have watched a number of your videos and they are quite entertaining. It’s great to see an attractive woman so into knowledge and having fun with it.
I have a request for a phrase, I know it is not a word but I am hoping you can help me.
I recently used the phrase “Wait a hot minute”. My friend had never heard that phrase before and I tried to google it to see if I could find out the meaning. But alas, I was dismayed to find no results that indicated the meaning.
So I would like to request that hotforwords investigate that phrase.
Oh yeah. That is pretty typical for me. I am not as edumacated as I would like to be. I would have to say that a majority of words that come out of my mouth are used in ignorance. I wish I could say that I knew the meaning of all the phrases and words that I use, but alas, I have not delved into the fascinating world that is our language.
Shame on me? Yes, with great shame, I admit it.
Thanks for calling me out on it.
PS. I thought that this was the reason that Marina did stuff like this. To help explain some of the common phrases and words that we use and where they come from and what they mean. No?
Haha. Well, maybe he used it knowing the proper time to use it, but not the actual meaning. Lots of phrases we use we don’t really know the meaning of or the origin, we just know the proper place to use them lol.
dude. chill. what i meant was, you don’t just make phrases up and then ask someone else what they mean. if you used that phrase you knew what you meant by it when you said it, right?
Hello aLx
What does ” P ” mean?
I’ve always enjoyed an honest point of view that is educational.
I bought a book on verbs because of one of your earlier comments- something about using a conjugated verb.
Knowing what a word “means” does not automatcally explane the etimology and sometimes there is a none-too-subtle deference between what is said & what is heard. I only know this because once I was misinterpreted, but it only happened once and every other time I know the exact defintion and etimology of every word and phrase I use…I’m so good as a matter of fact that this site is below me and really a waste of time.
man oh man, how I love it when pplz mess up.
okay4now, you say that you knowingly use words with their correct meaning and that you were only misinterpreted once.
Well, here’s twice: What were you referring to when you said “explane”? Anything to do with the also very commonly known “whayplane” and “zetplane”? I’m sorry to bore you with my pedantries, and also for wasting your time.
The book is titled:
“501 Englisg Verbs”, fully conjugated in all the tenses in an easy-to-learn format alphabetically arranged
So yes, it’s cool.
Stopping at this site has made me aware of how I hack the language up and so I try not to be as lazy when I speak/write.
I’ve been relearning- it just takes a bit of time.
Shame on me? Yes, with great shame, I admit it.
Thanks for calling me out on it.
PS. I thought that this was the reason that Marina did stuff like this. To help explain some of the common phrases and words that we use and where they come from and what they mean. No?
No shame here n0bility. You requested a phase just like teacher asked for. She doesn’t reply to all request right away because there are so many to do she would never get any videos made. Stay tuned she just might make one. In the mean time maybe one of our good students can fill you in.
A man walks into a bar and orders a shot of vodka. The bartender pours him a drink and the man drinks it and slams the shot galss on the counter and says give me another the bartender pours another drink and the man again drinks it slams the shot glass onto the counter and says give me one more.
The bartender asks the man what are you celebrating? The man replies well its my 40th birthday and i just got my first blowjob The bartender says congratulations the next drink is on the house. The man replies no thanks if the first three drinks do not get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.
yes, it was I James Did try with feat at Bar-b-q over weekend, very hot between toes with chicken jerky. Some mad types are trying ‘no fork’ eating over here. Next challenge has to be chop sticks on feat!! (cant belive im saying this but its true!!!!)
How about doing a video about the word “Sisu”. Though it is from the Finnish language and isn’t widely used in the english language (though it is in the dictionary), it’s quite an interesting word, and the history behind is cool too.
You’re getting around today, eric; Bar & Pub, Hot Synonyms, Soccer, BBQ Game, Soap Opera, Duck Tape!
Can’t make up your mind where to be?
Have you been drinking at the Uncertainty Pub?
A bear walks into a bar. He goes up to the barman and asks, “Can I have a large gin and………. tonic, please?” The bartender replies, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?” The bear holds up his paws, looks at them, and says, “Well, I’m a bear!”
A motorway walks into a pub and orders a drink. Just as he sits down, in walks a strip of tarmac.
The motorway sees the tarmac and starts to panic, jumps over the bar and ducks down so it won’t see him. The barman looks down at him and says, “What’s the matter with you? Why are you hiding? You’ve got six lanes and two hard shoulders. Why are you frightened of a skinny piece of tarmac?
The motorway replies, “You don’t know him like I do. He’s a mean, vicious killer. He’s a cyclepath.”
A piece of string walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.” The string exits the bar, ties itself up and unravels its ends. The string re-enters the bar. The bartender says, “Aren’t you the string I just sent out of here?”
The string replies, “No, I’m a frayed knot.” (afraid not)
While the Word studies are fun, and occasionally I use them to start discussion topics in class myself, could you also take things a step further, maybe even have hotforgrammar?
Chuck Norris walks into a bar full of drunk bikers. He orders a glass of water and everybody laughed. Chuck does a few roundbar kicks and then rides off into the sunset on 50 motorcycles.
Made it up…
You don’t see them because they’re secret societies, like mel telling private jokes to CJ, and aLx and Buzzword having secret lovers trysts behind the bike sheds.
Who out there is an armature Green Thumb like me? My R/C helicopter buddy Dave Herbert and his wife Ilea Herbert, from Sibley, Iowa. Has a guess the name of this flower video. See how many you can guess. Flower Power by Ilea Herbert
Tell me how many you got right. I think I only was able to name 30% of them.
That was beautiful Jack. I have never seen a Humming bird nest until her video. We have 4 to 6 Humming birds that visit our feeders, so now I have an idea of how small their eggs are.
Marina, I really liked your two black outfits, very sharp looking. I like your tastes in the outfits you purchase. I have a question. Do you have a two bedroom apartment? One room for you to sleep in and the other for your wardrobe?
Hola, Marina!! Qué pasa, chica!!??!! Would you be able to understand this if I were to write it entirely in Spanish?
My word request is one that I’ve passed by you a long time ago (I understand when you’re handling word requests from the whole world it’s hard to do them all). It was around the time you were opening the show with the cacophony of animal noises, so I thought for sure I had a chance. Actually, I had requested (as I request now) ostracize and it’s relation to the bird, ostrich (if there is a connection {I’m sure there is one}). Please investigate that for me!
And the joke you requested: 3 notes walk into a bar, C, E flat and G.
As soon as the bartender saw them he ran over to them and yelled, “HEY!! GET OUTTA HERE!! WE DON’T SERVE MINORS”!!!
when I was a kid, Pig was just a derogatory name for the Police, P[ig]OLICE
PORKER ( like Copper)
A fat sloppy doubled chinned Cop ie, Pig?
The Fuzz, Because of their hair cut.
I saw on one of your CoComment posts that you have been trying to use Word Press on your iphone 3G and having some error messages.
Have you tried Type Pad? They have a free blog update application for the iphone as well, and it seems to have gotten pretty high reviews from most people.
Until Word PRess comes out with an update, you might give Type Pad a try and see if it works for you.
Hi Shane,
Marina has too much time and effort in Wordpress not to go and switch to another blogging solution. WP will fix their problem adventualy. I believe Marina is always searching for better solutions. Thank you for the suggestion.
If I was with any friend of mine who loses to me in either pool or darts I would ask the bartender “Hey bartender, can you give my friend a tissue,I’m sure he (or she) will need it on the home.”
I’ve frequent many pubs in Australia years ago and it look the same as any US bar. There are Bars in Australia as there are Pubs in US. I think the term is mixing up a bit just for the lack of trademark names. Joe’s Bar vs Joe’s Pub.
thanks, jack.
you know, there are a lot of “irish pubs” around, but i ain’t never seen an “irish bar”. there are “sportsbars” but no “sportspubs”. i know of “barflies“, never heard of “pubflies”.
Don’t “give me any of your guff!” I ran across “guff” in the dictionary looking for something else, wondered where it came from, and investigated! I thought you would like to as well because it wasn’t what I expected and was funny. Do a hot for words on thing people will like it and i am aching for recognition *cough*
A prison and a jail are basically the same thing. A person incarcerated in a prison is called a “prisoner”, but a “jailer” is the person doing the incarcerating, much the opposite. Why?
Now we know why Marina was late tonight; she and her sister were at their evening jobs, serving drinks at the piano bar.
Pretty in pink, Marina.
I bet you can’t get those polka dots to show up on your posts on this page.
OK. here we go…Guy walks into a bar and says, “ba ba ba ba bartender co co co co could I ge ge get a beer?” bartender says, Maan, you got one hell of a stutter!” The guy says, “Well no no no sh sh sh,…I know!” The bartender says, Ya know, I had the same problem, and what I did is I had my wife suck me off five times in a row 1-2-3-4-5 and BOOM, I was cured…you should give it a try.” The guy says, TH th th thanks I I I I I ..ok.” So a couple weeks later the guy walks into the bar and says, “Ba ba ba ba bbbartender cou cou cou could I ge ge get a b b b beer?” bartender says, “You still have that stutter? You should have done what I told you to do.” Guy says, ” I i i i d d d did a a a and it did did didn’t work bu bu but I I I I mu mu must say, you you got a nice apartment!
Please investigate the word: ” HISTORY”
I have often questioned the possibility that if it was “her”story it may have been written differently .lol
what do you think?
mel
A bar joke for you:
a bar patron orders 2 mugs of beer, he drinks from one mug while imersing his other hand repeatedly in the other mug,
after observing this for several minuted the bar keep asks him what on earth he is doing?
to which he replies:
I’m getting my date drunk!
Chacha and I were just being twisted hypogeous jokers. The Teddy Bear was a chat that Chacha and I were in earlier. July 28th, 2008 2:30 pm . There are stores that sell everything with cameras built in. Like Clocks and Teddy Bears?? And how “An” overly zealous fan might send you one of the Bears. And How we could change the battery,,,wink,wink.
I used the little (( )) to show the Guys that I was just “joking.” so they would not take Me serious and kick My butt.
Your PO is very convenient to find and easy to understand as well.
Sorry though, I make it a rule not to send Teddy Bears…. To Women on the internet,
Although it would be a cool way for your regular Guys to send You a little something. Stack their things around so the guys can see their stuff in your videos. We might even stop talking about Your “dead plant ” XD.
Hate me .. …much? still, anymore bad kitty.
Watch out Marina, RRR is going stuff himself full of thanksgiving stuffing and put on a Teddy Bear suit. Don’t be surprised if you wake up and RRR is sitting on your dresser just smiling away.
marina, let me be one of a million people to say that you are the SEXIEST woman I have ever laid eyes upon. I have a word request. Could you do the word masturbate?
I have a question for you Marina : What about the different slang names for “prison” in American and in Russian ? Can you make a typilogical comparison showing the Russian Soul and the American One ?
In French we use the term BISTROT and some Russian People think it is connected to russian BISTRO “quickly” because in 1815 when Napoleon the First lost the war the russian army spent a few days in Paris in the french BISTROTS and they had no much time for drinking a lot of french wine instead of VODKA.
In fact the word BISTROT comes from BISTRE “brownish”, the color of the tables in the taverns in that time.
I did not see this video Ooops !
But in fact BISTOUILLE is very dubious because the sound BIST could not induce a R . The ending -OT is clearly diminutive and if BISTOUILLE was the root we should have *BISTOT.
Anyway as Marina says it in the movie, it’s not always possible to get the key for every word. Especially for BISTROT that was written for the first time in the 1880’s when many paysants from all France were converging towards PARIS during the INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION. These people brought with them many dialectal terms into the Parisian SLANG (ARGOT in French).
a very drunk vladimir putin stumbles into a bar and orders a bottle of moskovskaya vodka. the bartender says, “i am sorry mr. putin but your over your limit.” putin stumbles out of the bar. later putin returns with dmitry medvedev. medvedev says, “i’ll have a bottle of moskovskaya vodka.”
Narry a pink box to be seen
She must be off playing “sardines”…
Did I ever tell you guys that one?
Another coed game, like hide and
seek. The one that is he (it) hides
as usual, but those that find him
must hide with him, got it? Sounds
lame but it gets interesting when you
play…
Lessee, if Marina is “it” and we all are
looking; what small space could she
squeeze into where we could all hide?
I figure Kansas is about the right size.
What do you think?
Homework:
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender “Got any grapes?”
Bartender says “No, this is a bar we don’t serve grapes here.”
Next day the duck walks into the bar “Hey got any grapes?”
Bartender says “NO, I told you yesterday we don’t serve grapes. You come in here again asking for grapes I’ll nail your feet to the bar!!!”
Day three the duck walks into the bar and asks “Hey Mr. bartender, got any nails?”
“No, don’t be silly this is a bar.”
Duck asks “Okay, got any grapes?”
Wow! Congratulations.
I have yet to have the honor.
I think she’s scared to encourage
me anymore than I already am
Wish I could answer your question
about the pigs / cops origin.
I did find this for you, though
Bruce Willis, Danny Aiello
Would you like to swing on a star? http://youtube.com/watch?v=tVAVCW2t_TE
it deals with pigs (and fish!) Peace!
Im glad you posted that joke so I didn’t have to. Thats a joke im famous for on the Island Spirit and the Lady Washington. I know a different version of it.
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender “Got any Duck Food?”
Bartender says “No, this is a bar we don’t serve Duck Food here.”
Next day the duck walks into the bar “Hey got any Duck Food?”
Bartender says “NO, I told you yesterday we don’t serve Duck Food. You come in here again asking for Duck Food I’ll nail your Duck Bill to the post!!!”
Day three the duck walks into the bar and asks “Hey Mr. bartender, got any nails?”
“No, don’t be silly this is a bar.”
Duck asks “Okay, got any Duck Food?”
So I tell this joke to all the passengers just to annoy them. The boss, Jeff, doesn’t call my name to the bridge anymore. He just says “Quack,Quack,Quack,Quack, wheres that duck!”
Other time I would go down to the Galley and ask for Duck Food. One day thats exactly what I got!
I should get my video camera out and video tape my friend Jeff. He is so animated when he tells a joke you’ll laugh just watching him! As you might have guessed, the cruises we go are just a riot. We have way too much fun.
A blind man walks into a bar with a seeing-eye dog. When the blind man reaches the center of the bar, he snatches the dog up by his collar and starts swinging him around and around. The bartender, startled, asks, “Hey, what the heck are you doing?” The blind man says, “Just taking a look around…
A man walks into a bar and sees the menu that says HAND JOBS – $2.00 HAM SANDWICH- $3.00. Then the man asks the attractive blonde lady if she does the hand jobs. She says “Yes I do”. The man replies “Then wash your hands because I want a ham sandwich!”
Haha might be a little old but gave me a little chuckle when I first read it.
This happens to me a lot. I write my
post and then read down the page
where a like minded individual has
the same, or similar notion.
$2.00
what a price change
hey, Marina
first of all, I’d like to say that you are now my dream woman
-looks
-brains
-charm
i know u might get that a lot…
but hey, it’s true
and OOH!
i would like to request the word “DUDE”
it’s safe to say that +75% of my sentences contain the word dude
so…can you please tell me how it came to be?
A pirate walks into a bar, the bartender goes, “Hey, you know you got a steering wheel on your crotch”, the pirate says “Aargh, I know it’s driving me nuts”.
A pirate walks into a bar, the bartender goes, “Hey, you know you got a steering on your crotch”, the pirate says “Aargh, I know it’s driving me nuts”.
Here is my homework. A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer, the bartender giveit to him and said that will be 5 cents. The guy shocked looks at he menu above the bar and saids how much is the steak dinner? Twenty-five cents said the bartender. The man orders it and gets a big 1 inch angus steak. The man said you can be making money doing this so why are you doing it? The bartender saids I am doing the same thing to the owner that he is doing to my wife.
Three ropes walk into a bar. One walks up to the bartender and says; “I’d like a drink.” The bartender asks, “Are you a rope?” The rope replies, “yes.” The bartender says , “Well, get outta here. We don’t serve ropes.”
The next rope walks up to the bartender and says “I’d like a drink.” “Are you a rope,” the bartender asks. “Yes,” the rope replies. “Well, then get outta here, we don’t serve ropes.”
The third rope gets up and goes to the bathroom, pulls out a comb and combs out all his strands; then he makes himself into a loop, draws one end through the loop, and pulls it tight. He walks up to the bartender, “I’d like a drink.” “Are you a rope,” the bartender asks. “I’m afraid not.”
Dcuk walks into a bar says, ‘do you serve lunch here?’
bartender says no so the duck leaves
comes back the next day and asks, ‘do you serve lunch here?’
bartender says no so the duck leaves
comes back the next day and asks, ‘do you serve lunch here?’
the bartender says, ‘no and if you ask me again I’m going to nail your feet to the wall’ so the duck leaves
comes back the next day and says ‘got any nails’
bartender says no
do the duck says, ‘do you serve lunch here?’
A day later the duck comes back again and, before he can say anything, the barman says, “Look here, you duck-head, let me spell it out for you, we do N-O-T serve L-U-F-N-C-H here.”
The duck says, “There’s no F in lunch.”
“That”, says the barman, “is what I’ve been telling you all week.”
It’s still quite profane to use in English and is censored on many TV broadcasts or restricted to late night programming so I don’t think It’s likely to feature here. Might be more interesting to know how certain words have come to be classified as swear words.
Interestingly in Ireland the word ‘Feck’ means exactly the same as ‘Fuck’ but can be said at any time without censorship and is often seen a joke or as a sly way of saying the latter but getting away with it. http://ie.youtube.com/watch?v=zg-10vF5Xhs
Oh O KAy. (Wher dah ding for dunk)
I I M ah bAhcka fum meye fIEld tRIp do dah bar do inbesttabate bah jOks.
dees do buys, wok indo dis bah.
Yo Hoo knano, iffy u asp fo dinks @ ah bah, dey gib em do u.
eye donut dink be waka utha der.
eye dell evebuddy abut hatfurverbs.
dey Say deh gobah sublime do bah canal.
hEp be tea her i dink dah joob bee o me.
eye go ah be hub uber to mur o.
Thank God we already have a lesson for that already.
I just watched your bar & pub episode…………………. well a dear friend of mine just mailed me this & I thought of “YOU” MARINA might really like it……. I did haha http://www.tagtele.com/v/11924 please let me know how you liked it ? Thanks
Kind Regards
agorillo
Three pieces of string go into a pub (bar), the first piece of string tries to order a round of drinks and the publican (bartender) states that he doesn’t serve pieces of string. The second piece of string also tries and fails in similar fashion. The third piece of string roughs up his hair and ties himself up real tight. As he approaches the bar (bar) the bartender (publican) looks suspiciously and asks if he is yet another piece of string and he replies “No! I am a fraid knot!”
When someone is taking a photo, they always tell the person that there taking a picture to say “cheese”. I was wondering why do they say cheese. When did saying the word “cheese” when taking a picture first started. Thank you very much.
So this guy has the same routine in the same pub five nights a week. Two shots & two beers side by side and he sips from each one of them “My brother in the ol’ country does the same. So even though we’re half the world away we still drink together.” Then one night, out of the blue, he walks in and says “Bartender, give me one shot and one beer.” Shocked the bartender does then comes back a few minutes later “Listen, I’m really sorry about your loss.” Surprised, “What loss could that be?” the mans laughs. “Well, you’re only drinking one beer and one shot.” Laughing the man says “Oh, my brother’s fine, couldn’t be better. I just decided to go on the wagon.”
I was just thinking of that first bar joke before I watched your video. I heard that one from the new animated series of The Batman. I think it was when Joker was trying to become the new Batman, and tried to use his toxin to turn Batman into the new Joker. It sounds a little twisted, but kinda funny.
And I don’t think there are any bar jokes that are really that good.
Heres one for you Marina. A panda goes into a bar, he gets a packet of crisps and has a beer. Then he shoots everyone dead in the bar, when the people are found dead, “panda” is looked up in a dictionary…
A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says, “I’ll bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye.” The bartender accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass eye and bites it.
He has a few more drinks and asks for his bill again. The bartender reports that his bill now is thirty dollars plus tip. He bets the bartender he can bite his other eye. The bartender accepts knowing the man can’t possibly have two glass eyes. The guy then proceeds by taking out his false teeth and biting his other eye.
Dear Marina, I rated your video five stars. For your homework assignment, here are three jokes:
The President of China is at a bar to practice his speech for the Olympics. Hu Jintau starts, “Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.”
An aide runs up and explains, “That’s just the Olympic symbol. The speech starts below.”
A hamburger goes into a bar and asks for a Martini. Thye bartender replies, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
A rich investment banker goes into a bar and sits next to a pigeon who is sipping a beer.
The pigeon says, “With all the mortgage problems these day, I’m better off than you are.”
The banker asks, “How is that possible?”
The pigeon replies, “I can still make a deposit on your new Audi R8 sports car.”
Your dear student, Seesix CM6
(this bar joke appeared in the 1990, when we used to pay in Francs, not Euros… don’t mind exchange rates on that one )
Every morning, a man used to sip an expresso at the same bar, every morning, he would pay his 3 francs that way : put a 1franc coin at one end of the bar, one in the middle, one at the other end of that long bar…
The bar tender had to pick them up, rumbling…
One morning, the man paid with a 5 franc note !
‘gotcha’ thought the bartender : he gave the change back : one coin at each end of the bar, with a big smile…
‘Nice of you’ said the man, putting a 1 franc coin in front of him : ‘today I’d love another expresso’
A nicely dressed elderly couple walk into a quiet bar. About halfway through their drinks, the woman leans over and says to her husband, “I just let out a silent one. What do you think I should do?” He replies, “Put a new battery in your hearing aid.”
Pedantickarl, hi whats happening. This is Capman911. I changed my video card to a PCI instead of the agp and I am having the best luck with it. No more of the problems I had before. What refresh rate should I set it at for maximum refresh? Thanks
Mike
The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having adrink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, “Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me.”
So the Doberman says, “I love liver and cheese.” The Collie replies, “That’s not good enough.”
The Bulldog says, “I hate liver and cheese.” She says, “That’s not creative enough.”
Finally, the Chihuahua says, “Liver alone . . . cheese mine.”
Now, whoever can say Moose and Squirrel in the same sentence can have Capman.
“Now, whoever can say Moose and Squirrel in the same sentence can have Capman.” Thanks a lot Bob, now Marina will never say Moose and Squirrel! (
Capman really had his heart set on that you know?
(X)
A guy sits down at a bar, orders a beer and reads the sign:
Burger: $3.75
Cheese Burger: $4.25
Fries: $2.25
Hand Job: $25.00
So he calls the outrageously tight blond bartender over and whispers “Hey, are-are you the one who gives the hand jobs?” “I sure am”, she smiles and gives him a wink. Slowly, he looks up and down the bar then says “Well, do me a favor, wash your hands ‘cause I want a Cheeseburger.”
Captain Jack (Sparrow)!
Since you have some influence
around here, I had an idea.
I want my HotForWords
Conduit toolbar so I can
whip through any lesson at will.
I looked into it and the programming
is there to make it possible.
check it out and see what you think.
here’s a link to get you there!
Her you go chacha,
This is just the thing for the HFWs sycophants HERE.
Buy one and send it to Marina as a gift.TEDDY BEARS
How many of these do you think She already has??
Recall I said to her not to undress in front of her laptop. Some geeky hack has control of it by now. Although you would think the videos would be on Ebay.
I still think a “tasteful” live chat room would go over very well. Like Lisanova has on monday nights. Marina just talks about what ever the hell and people text message her.
I do recall that tip from you.
… and if not on Ebay, they’d
be on the underground sites.
Their isn’t a server fast enough
to handle all the chat. You think
Lisa Nova’s chat screen flies?
It would be a blur, impossible
to read. Speed o’ light!
keep thinking up ideas, they’re
getting better.
and get a new damn gravatar
it’s only funny so long, dude!
I took a look at that toolbar you linked me to. I really like it. I thought it would be a good asset. Unfortunately to use it would be against Google AdSense policy as I understand it. Its a revenue generator toolbar. Thats why its free. Im always cautious. about large companies offering free stuff. Not worth the risk to use it. I think Marina would agree. Thanks for letting me know and let me know if you find something else that you think would be cool feature for HFW.
A guy walked into a bar and ordered 12 shots of whiskey. The barkeep ask him if he was celebrating something. The man answered yes. He was celebrating his first BJ. Well said the barkeep let me buy you one on the house. The man said if the first twelve want get the taste out of my mouth I know the thirteenth want either.
I can’t remember exactly how it goes but-
A guy at the bar said that he could guess the age of any Scotch that he drank. People were taking bets as the the bartender poured shot after shot. The guy kept guessing the the correct age of the Scotch and one patron kept losing every bet that he placed against the guy. So out of frustration he took a shot glass and squirted a bit of piss into it and handed it to the guy guessing the Scotch’s age. “Here you go, try this.” The guy takes the shot and almost vomits as he yells, “This is PISS!” The loser parton smiled and said, “Yeah, but can you guess how old I am?”
Another re-run
Two atoms were walking down the
street when one suddenly starts
checking all his pockets.
“What’s wrong?”
“I lost an elctron!”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m positive”
Stop me if you have heard this one. A baby seal walks into a club.
A backward poet writes in-verse.
Do you know I’ve got a friend who’s fallen in love with two school bags, he’s bisatchel.
“So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me “Can you give me a lift?”
I said “Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.’”
Two cannibals feasting on a clown. One asked the other “Does this taste funny to you?”
a [piece] of [string] walks into a bar, the bartender see him and says “Hey! we don’t serve string here, you’ll have to leave!”. The string goes out, he sees a friend, he has his fiend tie a [knot] in his middle and muss his ends up. The string turns around, walks back into the bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks at him and asks “Aren’t you that piece of string that was in here a few minutes ago?” The string replys “[frayed] Knot”
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=pssnY_eThUI&feature=related
there is a south african cider company called savannah, their commercials are all baised around corny bar jokes but they are quite funny.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=13SZnV6pOKY&feature=related
I’ll have a vodka martini. 3 measures of Gordons gin. 1 measure vodka. 1/2 measure kina lillet. shake over ice. add thin slice of lemon peel.
Best bar joke
woah girl polka dots just aren’t for you sorry =\ I really love how educational Marina is, reminds of the hotforprofits girl and her work at home methods.
..a businessman on a visit abroad sent a postcard back to his wife which read: The weather is here. Wish you were lovely!
After hours,I went back to a mates house for a few more beers. There were no clocks or watches about so I asked my friend what the time was. He pulled out this 5ft Gong and a hammer, opened the window then gave the gong a massive loud bang. Soon after, the neighbour shouted across “What the bloody hell do you think you are doing making that noise at four in the morning!”
On settling up the hotel bill, I was shocked by the amount “£650? What on earth for, we only stayed on evening!” – “Well Sir, we have a swimming pool” – “But I didn’t use it!” -”It was there Sir, you could have used it, as with the Gym, the bowls green or the health and beauty club!” – “Oh, I see!” – So I payed the £650 and gave the hotel receptionist an invoice for £550. – “What is this please Sir?” – “Well, you know my wife?” – “Yes!” – “She was also here, you could have used her!”
Went to the marrage advisor when the doc. asked if the Mrs and I had anything in common. “Yes!” – I replied ” Neither one of us sucks any cock!”
The mrs came home caught me swatting flies..”I have killed five flies, three males and two females” – ” How do you know what sex they are?” – “Well, three were resting on the empty beer cans, the other two were sat on the phone!”
went for a pint the other evening, walked in bumping into a midget, “Sorry, I didn’t see you there my friend, let me buy you a pint” – we got chatting, I asked what it is that he does. “I’m in the circus, has been in the family for years. My wife will be here soon, it’s our wedding anniversery, you’ll get to meet her” – when suddenly, in walks this 7ft 4″ woman, full of beard and muscles. “Can I buy you a drink to celebrate?” – “No thanks, I’m pregnant” she replied. “Oh,will it be a boy or a girl?” – “We don’t mind what it is, only as long it fits into the cannon!”
Many
years ago in England , pub frequenters had
a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When
they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. ‘Wet
your whistle’ is the phrase inspired by this
practice.
Hi Marina, do you know or could you investiagte where we get the phrase ‘mind your P’s and Q’s’? please
Cheers
a mouth, two eyes, two ears and a nose go to a bar one day, the bar man refuses to give them any drinks. Mouth asked why this was, bar man replied because you are already off your faces!!
matalexwolf: as a random lesson beckens and “like a tale(tail), IT GOES WITH THE HIDE”…thanks for the jokes… I buy you a Beer
tell me if I’m not acting Up
Schlitz Jingle…When you’re out of schlitz, you’re out of beer *****includes picture of “SCHLITZ’s Marina GIRL” 
Leonard my friend, long time, how are you?
I would love to carry on with all this but you know something, I don’ think I can!
Well, it’s not the news I was waiting for Leonard. See, This morning, I had to visit the doctor again, been having this really bad pain for over a year now!
I said to doctor, “Doc, it really does hurt when I do that”
and you know what the Doc said Leonard?
The doc said “So, don’t do that!”
Jokes: just okay. Watching you tell them: priceless!
I hope this old joke hasn’t been covered already,I’m behind and no time to read all the posts.
A length of rope walks into a bar,jumps up on the barstool and says “Hey Bartender,gimme a drink”,the Bartender walks over and says “Sorry Pal,We don’t serve alcohol to ropes in here”.The rope was very pissed-off as He walked out because it was the 3rd bar He had gotten the same response from and a terrible thirst was upon Him.
Right then a stranger walked past and the rope says “Hey,fella,tie Me into knot would Ya? The stranger did,”OK,now fray My ends would Ya? the stranger did.
The length of rope went back into the last bar,jumped up on the barstool and said “Hey,Bartender,bring Me a drink”,the Bartender walks over,looks close and says “Hey,are You that length of rope I just denied service to?”..The length of rope says “Nope,,I’m a frayed knot”,He got His drink.
Three guys, an Englishman, and Scotishman and an Irishman walk into a pub and wait to be served. They all suffer with a stutter. The bar lady was a beautiful buxom blond, very attractive. She looks at the Englishman and asks what he would like to drink. The Englishman replied ‘P…pp..pp..per…per..per.. per…pint of bitter’ – The Scotish guy replied ‘w..w..wer…wer..wer..wer.whiskey’ – The Irish guy replied ‘G…G…Ger..Ger…Ger..Guiness’ — The bar lady got there drinks and thought it would be fun to ask ‘If any of you can tell me where you come from, with out suttering, you can come upstairs and sleep with me’ – The three guys were all really happy and agreed to give it ago. Firstly the English Guy sad ‘I come from L..L…Ler. Ler…Ler London, sod it!’ – The Scottish guy said ‘ I come from G..G…Gla…Glas…Glasgow, sod it!’ – The Irish guy said ‘ I come from London!’ – ‘Great!’ relpied the bar lady, ‘lets got to bed!’ – So up stairs they went and got busy with it. When the Irish guy was just about to climax he finished by saying ‘de…der..de..der…de derry!’
(its the way you tell ‘em!)
I hope no one is offended by this somewhat not politically correct joke, but it’s a good one. I mean no harm. It’s better with the visuals, but hopefully you get it.
A teacher takes his hearing impaired students across the street to a bar. He says to the bartender, holding up one finger, “this means they want a beer”. Holding up two fingers, he says, “this means they want a shot, okay?” The bartender says he’s got it. The teacher says he has to go back to class and to call him if there are any problems.
A couple of hours later the bartender comes running into the classroom, panicking. The teacher asks what’s wrong? The bartender replies, holding up one finger, “okay. This means they want a beer, right?” The teacher nods. Holding up two fingers, the bartender says, “and this means they want a shot, right?” The teacher again nods. “So what’s the problem then?”
The bartender opens and closes his fingers against his thumb rapidly, sort of like a duck quacking motion, and says, “so what the heck does this mean?”
The teacher replies, “Oh my God! Now you’ve got them singing I’ll never get them out of there!”
An oldie but a goodie.
A three legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender,” I’m lookng for the man who shot my paw”.
I always hear in nautical term “mother of pearl”….so I know it has something to do with a rainbowish shine…I believe?….but if I’m wrong….who is this mother of a pearl? Dear, hotforwords, if you could please investigate.
The daughter was Minnie Pearl. Not sure who the mother was.
New vid’s up. Gotta dash.
Who wants to watch Hot Synonyms again with me?
Can you make a video on the word “phantom”?
This isn’t a bar joke, but it so funny
Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.
‘Congratulations,’ says the nurse to the new parents. ‘Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?’
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, ‘Well, two Wong’s don’t make a white, so I think we will name him…
Are you ready for this?
Sum Ting Wong
very good one
The two political parties Liberal and Conservative where did those words come from and why those?
Liberal and conservative are not political parties. There is the Republican party and the Democrat primarily, along with some less successful parties like libertarians, Green, Etc. Most Democrats lean toward liberal ideals and Republicans usually lean toward conservative ideals. There are liberal Republicans and conservative Democrats. In a very very general sense of the words, liberal means to be generous and conservative less than generous. Although everyone has different ideas on what generosity is, so these labels don’t really give accurate descriptions of the parties. I don’t really feel that it is generous to raise my taxes every chance you get.
They are political parties in the UK.
That’s like the third time the UK has spoiled my answer. Damn you UK!
Sorry, G, but just remember, WE invented everything first.
Hell, we even invented America, God forgive us.
Both words “left” and “right” have different meanings that are not related to “side”
whats the history of those words??? what did they initially mean??
Hello Marina,
Your appearance today is very refined and cultivated.
Beautiful as always.
OK, enough of that. Time for more fun!
“Alcohol and Psychics don’t mix- never drink and divine.”
Warren
“I’d rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.”
Fred Allen
“One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.”
George Carlin
“I don’t drink these days. I’m allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.”
Robert Downey Jr.
“My wife says that I’m Scotch by absorption.”
Magnus Magnusson
“Work is the curse of the drinking class”
Oscar Wilde
Stages of Drunkenness
1. Witty and Charming
2. Rich and Famous
3. Benevolent
4. Clairvoyent
5. Patriotic
6. Witty and Charming Part Two
7. Invisible
8. Bulletproof
A drunk walked into a bar and the bartender refused to serve him. “You’ve had too much to drink, I’m not serving you”.
Five minutes later the drunk came in again. The bartender stood firm. “There’s no way I’m serving you more alcohol. You’ve had more than enough already”. Another five minutes and the same thing happened and the bartender once again refused. The drunk nodded. “I guess I must be,” he said. The last two places said the same thing”.
A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husbands key in the door. “Stay where you are”, she said. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice that you’re in bed with me.”
Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed. He turned to his wife: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?”
“Nonsense”, said the wife. “You’re so drunk, you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there.”
The husband climbed out of bed and counted. “One, two, three, four. You’re right, you know.”
“One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.”
If you like breathing as a habit, just trust me on this one. 
George Carlin
dang, what a whoos!
The palinka we make around here is around 45-48 degrees, and drink that from the fridge on a hot day
Also, did any of you guys drink the 80 deg. Absynth from the bottle?
If not, don’t!
Warren, on your “Stages of Drunkenness” add me with Eccentric at numbers 6 through 7.
I thought Absynth was no longer available.
Yes, there are definately seveal stages of drunkenness that could be added to this list.
Absinthe reminds me of “Moulin Rouge” wherein the Green Fairy goes pretty darn wild. It would be fun to see Marina do a take on the Green Fairy.
Hey there hotforwords,
I have watched a number of your videos and they are quite entertaining. It’s great to see an attractive woman so into knowledge and having fun with it.
I have a request for a phrase, I know it is not a word but I am hoping you can help me.
I recently used the phrase “Wait a hot minute”. My friend had never heard that phrase before and I tried to google it to see if I could find out the meaning. But alas, I was dismayed to find no results that indicated the meaning.
So I would like to request that hotforwords investigate that phrase.
Thank you in advance.
N0bility
you used it without knowing what it means? so you didn’t know what you were talking about?
Oh yeah. That is pretty typical for me. I am not as edumacated as I would like to be. I would have to say that a majority of words that come out of my mouth are used in ignorance. I wish I could say that I knew the meaning of all the phrases and words that I use, but alas, I have not delved into the fascinating world that is our language.
Shame on me? Yes, with great shame, I admit it.
Thanks for calling me out on it.
PS. I thought that this was the reason that Marina did stuff like this. To help explain some of the common phrases and words that we use and where they come from and what they mean. No?
Haha. Well, maybe he used it knowing the proper time to use it, but not the actual meaning. Lots of phrases we use we don’t really know the meaning of or the origin, we just know the proper place to use them lol.
dude. chill. what i meant was, you don’t just make phrases up and then ask someone else what they mean. if you used that phrase you knew what you meant by it when you said it, right?
Haha, It’s hard to convey tone when doing posts. I apologize if I came across as defensive. I meant it more as a playful tone.
I used it in the right way, I was just curious as to what it actually means.
Sorry about that. Don’t want to start anything this early in the day.
aLx, It’s not made up. I use the phase “Hold on and just wait one hot minute!”. I use this for when people get into a heated argument.
huh? it’s 7:21 pm over here. bring it on.
P
haha, ok, not to early for you, still the morning for me….although approaching noon so watch out!!
Hello aLx
P ” mean?
What does ”
I’ve always enjoyed an honest point of view that is educational.
I bought a book on verbs because of one of your earlier comments- something about using a conjugated verb.
that’s just a smiley, this one:
, though not as a graphical smiley. just tilt your head to the left. ;P
oh yeah. hope the book’s cool?
Knowing what a word “means” does not automatcally explane the etimology and sometimes there is a none-too-subtle deference between what is said & what is heard. I only know this because once I was misinterpreted, but it only happened once and every other time I know the exact defintion and etimology of every word and phrase I use…I’m so good as a matter of fact that this site is below me and really a waste of time.
It means he speaks with a forked tongue (but being aLx he pronounces it a bit different).
o4n, i wasn’t talking about etymology. wtf.
Me either.
man oh man, how I love it when pplz mess up.
I’m sorry to bore you with my pedantries, and also for wasting your time. 
okay4now, you say that you knowingly use words with their correct meaning and that you were only misinterpreted once.
Well, here’s twice: What were you referring to when you said “explane”? Anything to do with the also very commonly known “whayplane” and “zetplane”?
way below you,
Chemi
Chemikal, you could show a little deference towards his difference in spelling etymology, too.
Mr. aLx, please be nice.
okay4now, Im sorry you feel that way here. We appreciate your knowledge you bring to the table.
ummm. i am nice. really.
I know your are aLx.
The book is titled:
“501 Englisg Verbs”, fully conjugated in all the tenses in an easy-to-learn format alphabetically arranged
So yes, it’s cool.
Stopping at this site has made me aware of how I hack the language up and so I try not to be as lazy when I speak/write.
I’ve been relearning- it just takes a bit of time.
PP is a rural road in Southern Missouri. I’m not kidding.
No shame here n0bility. You requested a phase just like teacher asked for. She doesn’t reply to all request right away because there are so many to do she would never get any videos made. Stay tuned she just might make one. In the mean time maybe one of our good students can fill you in.
TA-J: No, I don’t feel that way.
Bob: Thanks for the check. Many more SP mistakes to come I promise.
Chem: See 2 preceding sentences.
Marina now this is a Bar Joke.
A man walks into a bar and orders a shot of vodka. The bartender pours him a drink and the man drinks it and slams the shot galss on the counter and says give me another the bartender pours another drink and the man again drinks it slams the shot glass onto the counter and says give me one more.
The bartender says congratulations the next drink is on the house. The man replies no thanks if the first three drinks do not get the taste out of my mouth nothing will. 
The bartender asks the man what are you celebrating? The man replies well its my 40th birthday and i just got my first blowjob
Why do the dogs not let cats play poker with them?
Because the only cats that want to play are cheetahs!
Haha ok, maybe not so great a joke, but… I want to request the word cheetah. Does it have any relation to cheater in reality?
Marina walks into a bar… haha.. that’s just her Orlova.
lol
hey James, how are you? thats a cracker mate. I’ve been Maina to tell you that I too am laughing Orlova……– hows the chop sticks going?
best, matt
Couldnt do it, was it you that ate withe your hands infront of family? I will give u a mention on the vid I just uploaded if it was
yes, it was I James
Did try with feat at Bar-b-q over weekend, very hot between toes with chicken jerky. Some mad types are trying ‘no fork’ eating over here. Next challenge has to be chop sticks on feat!! (cant belive im saying this but its true!!!!)
Yay, she used my olive or twist joke! 217th!!
Monty Python had this to say about that.
Now THAT was philsophical!
The bartender haven´t sold me anything, he just said : ” Get of my woman”. (dumb one, but a true and possible way to do it
)
How about doing a video about the word “Sisu”. Though it is from the Finnish language and isn’t widely used in the english language (though it is in the dictionary), it’s quite an interesting word, and the history behind is cool too.
Two jumper cables walk into a bar. The bartender says, “You guys’d better not start anything in here…”
You’re getting around today, eric; Bar & Pub, Hot Synonyms, Soccer, BBQ Game, Soap Opera, Duck Tape!
Can’t make up your mind where to be?
Have you been drinking at the
Uncertainty Pub?
A bear walks into a bar. He goes up to the barman and asks, “Can I have a large gin and………. tonic, please?” The bartender replies, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?” The bear holds up his paws, looks at them, and says, “Well, I’m a bear!”
A clown walks into a bar and the doorman won’t let him in.
“Please?” asks the clown.
“Ok,” says the doorman, “But no funny business!”
that reminds me, someone told me that ok stood for zero killed, is that true?
I have a very flexible body
YouTube. Create video of messed up body tounge
A motorway walks into a pub and orders a drink. Just as he sits down, in walks a strip of tarmac.
The motorway sees the tarmac and starts to panic, jumps over the bar and ducks down so it won’t see him. The barman looks down at him and says, “What’s the matter with you? Why are you hiding? You’ve got six lanes and two hard shoulders. Why are you frightened of a skinny piece of tarmac?
The motorway replies, “You don’t know him like I do. He’s a mean, vicious killer. He’s a cyclepath.”
(Groan!)
Hello Marina !
word SPOOKY — > do You have idea where did it come from ???
thx
killbill
Two lesbians walk into a bar and the bartender asks “What can I get ya?”
one looks at the other and smirks ” how bout a couple of hot 17 year olds”
The Bartender say ” I’m sorry, we don’t serve minors to liquors”
A proton walks into a bar
He asks for a drink.
The bartender asks, “Are you sure?”
the proton says, “Yeah. I’m positive.”
A piece of string walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind here.” The string exits the bar, ties itself up and unravels its ends. The string re-enters the bar. The bartender says, “Aren’t you the string I just sent out of here?”
The string replies, “No, I’m a frayed knot.” (afraid not)
While the Word studies are fun, and occasionally I use them to start discussion topics in class myself, could you also take things a step further, maybe even have hotforgrammar?
Chuck Norris walks into a bar full of drunk bikers. He orders a glass of water and everybody laughed. Chuck does a few roundbar kicks and then rides off into the sunset on 50 motorcycles.
Made it up…
Chuck Norris kicks ars. I like his movies. Not so much his tv show.
Talking of ars, have you seen the pair of panniers on the back of “Ghost Rider 5″ on YouTube?
No I’ll try to find it.
You don’t see them because they’re secret societies, like mel telling private jokes to CJ, and aLx and Buzzword having secret lovers trysts behind the bike sheds.
yes but then bruce lee follows him all the way to the colleseum in italy and puts him down to rest
see movie : way of the dragon
i mean colloseum in italy hehehe
Youtube down for any you ?
no.
“A neutrino walks through a bar..” That is the only physics joke I ever laughed at.
A quark went into a bar and was thrown out because he had no Charm.
I didn’t like that one either. Her charge one about the Neutron was alright though
Hahahah That was funny Shaun.
Your killing me Bob.
Who out there is an armature Green Thumb like me?
My R/C helicopter buddy Dave Herbert and his wife Ilea Herbert, from Sibley, Iowa. Has a guess the name of this flower video. See how many you can guess.
Flower Power by Ilea Herbert
Tell me how many you got right. I think I only was able to name 30% of them.
That was beautiful Jack. I have never seen a Humming bird nest until her video. We have 4 to 6 Humming birds that visit our feeders, so now I have an idea of how small their eggs are.
That was first for me also.
Hey
After the loong words i went looking for something even longer, and came up with a chemical name for the chemical “Titin”
Now .. this chemicals name consists of 189,819 Letters.
Heres the links for the pages i found it on:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Longest_word_in_English
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Titin
http://www.othyr.com/titin.html
I hope you investigate this word, i know its abit insane, but i would love to know what it means, if it means anything at all
Gl hf
Jonas
Technically it’s not an English word, it’s a verbal formulae.
And it most certainly cannot be pronounced.
So says,
Chemikal
Marina, I really liked your two black outfits, very sharp looking. I like your tastes in the outfits you purchase. I have a question. Do you have a two bedroom apartment? One room for you to sleep in and the other for your wardrobe?
Hi Marina!
I’ve got this one:
“floccinaucinihilipilification”
Keep up the good work!
give that a search on youtube, I promise you will have a pleasant surprise.
Lol, i missed that video.
I’ll try better next time
Phrase request : Gravy Train
Two guys walked into a bar
The third one ducked
2 guys walked into a bar and the bar said: Watch where your going!
lol I made that up.
I want to be drunk in a BAR which is legal. They threw me into public.
i was also wondering about the word pool (8 ball pool that is), thanks!
Shawn
i was wondering about the word Poker, and way the game called poker?
Good suggestion 89wheelz89. I think Marina might do that one since she plans to watch a few poker matches on TV. Stay tuned.
The sign outside of bar said, “Liquor in the front, poker in the rear.”
Yes, poker is good. (perhaps now i might get mentioned!!
)
I request poker
Hola, Marina!! Qué pasa, chica!!??!! Would you be able to understand this if I were to write it entirely in Spanish?
My word request is one that I’ve passed by you a long time ago (I understand when you’re handling word requests from the whole world it’s hard to do them all). It was around the time you were opening the show with the cacophony of animal noises, so I thought for sure I had a chance. Actually, I had requested (as I request now) ostracize and it’s relation to the bird, ostrich (if there is a connection {I’m sure there is one}). Please investigate that for me!
And the joke you requested: 3 notes walk into a bar, C, E flat and G.
As soon as the bartender saw them he ran over to them and yelled, “HEY!! GET OUTTA HERE!! WE DON’T SERVE MINORS”!!!
mmmmmmmMMMMMMMWAHH!
when I was a kid, Pig was just a derogatory name for the Police, P[ig]OLICE
PORKER ( like Copper)
A fat sloppy doubled chinned Cop ie, Pig?
The Fuzz, Because of their hair cut.
Hey Marina,
I saw on one of your CoComment posts that you have been trying to use Word Press on your iphone 3G and having some error messages.
Have you tried Type Pad? They have a free blog update application for the iphone as well, and it seems to have gotten pretty high reviews from most people.
Until Word PRess comes out with an update, you might give Type Pad a try and see if it works for you.
Shane
Hi Shane,
Marina has too much time and effort in Wordpress not to go and switch to another blogging solution. WP will fix their problem adventualy. I believe Marina is always searching for better solutions. Thank you for the suggestion.
If I was with any friend of mine who loses to me in either pool or darts I would ask the bartender “Hey bartender, can you give my friend a tissue,I’m sure he (or she) will need it on the home.”
so, uh, is there any difference b/w a bar and a pub? i always thought that “pub” is more like british english, whereas “bar” is used in the us.
I’ve frequent many pubs in Australia years ago and it look the same as any US bar. There are Bars in Australia as there are Pubs in US. I think the term is mixing up a bit just for the lack of trademark names. Joe’s Bar vs Joe’s Pub.
thanks, jack.
you know, there are a lot of “irish pubs” around, but i ain’t never seen an “irish bar”. there are “sportsbars” but no “sportspubs”. i know of “barflies“, never heard of “pubflies”.
aLx, Your too funny with your word play.
I have seen an Irish Bar of Soap.
Don’t “give me any of your guff!” I ran across “guff” in the dictionary looking for something else, wondered where it came from, and investigated! I thought you would like to as well because it wasn’t what I expected and was funny. Do a hot for words on thing people will like it and i am aching for recognition *cough*
This one will kill ya
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TO1K5vAuKZU 
That was funny
I’ll have to remember that one…
Classic
A prison and a jail are basically the same thing. A person incarcerated in a prison is called a “prisoner”, but a “jailer” is the person doing the incarcerating, much the opposite. Why?
Hey Hot For Words.
You know the saying
They can Take it, but not dish it out.
Where does that come from, *dish it out*? Hope you can help. Thanks!
Shouldn’t that be, “If you can’t take it, DON’T dish it out.”
of corse I can’t go to a bar with out this song going through my head
Now we know why Marina was late tonight; she and her sister were at their evening jobs, serving drinks at the piano bar.
Pretty in pink, Marina.
I bet you can’t get those polka dots to show up on your posts on this page.
OK. here we go…Guy walks into a bar and says, “ba ba ba ba bartender co co co co could I ge ge get a beer?” bartender says, Maan, you got one hell of a stutter!” The guy says, “Well no no no sh sh sh,…I know!” The bartender says, Ya know, I had the same problem, and what I did is I had my wife suck me off five times in a row 1-2-3-4-5 and BOOM, I was cured…you should give it a try.” The guy says, TH th th thanks I I I I I ..ok.” So a couple weeks later the guy walks into the bar and says, “Ba ba ba ba bbbartender cou cou cou could I ge ge get a b b b beer?” bartender says, “You still have that stutter? You should have done what I told you to do.” Guy says, ” I i i i d d d did a a a and it did did didn’t work bu bu but I I I I mu mu must say, you you got a nice apartment!
Come on, that was funny!!
This explains it all
Please investigate the word: ” HISTORY”
I have often questioned the possibility that if it was “her”story it may have been written differently .lol
what do you think?
mel
A bar joke for you:
a bar patron orders 2 mugs of beer, he drinks from one mug while imersing his other hand repeatedly in the other mug,
after observing this for several minuted the bar keep asks him what on earth he is doing?
to which he replies:
I’m getting my date drunk!
Which hand is he gonna drive with?
Good one, though!
3 euros
That one was good BillyB
A battery walks into a bar, the bartender say “Okay buddy, i’ll serve you; but don’t try to start anything”
Nice bamboo plant Marina, are you taunting us??
Would You like a stuffed Teddy Bear for your room??
Kobe’s gotta practise on something
Maybe then, he’ll leave the plants alone
Sure
Did you read our earlier post yet
Didn’t your Daddy tell you, Never except candy from strangers, or anyone on the internet. EVER!
do look at that earlier post
OK, I can’t find your PO Box number so I will just send you a picture. Remember to feed it now and then.
You can’t find my PO Box number with a big link at the top of the website that says Contact?
Marina,
Chacha and I were just being twisted hypogeous jokers. The Teddy Bear was a chat that Chacha and I were in earlier. July 28th, 2008 2:30 pm . There are stores that sell everything with cameras built in. Like Clocks and Teddy Bears?? And how “An” overly zealous fan might send you one of the Bears. And How we could change the battery,,,wink,wink.
)) to show the Guys that I was just “joking.” so they would not take Me serious and kick My butt.
I used the little ((
Your PO is very convenient to find and easy to understand as well.
To Women on the internet,
Sorry though, I make it a rule not to send Teddy Bears….
Although it would be a cool way for your regular Guys to send You a little something. Stack their things around so the guys can see their stuff in your videos. We might even stop talking about Your “dead plant ” XD.
Hate me .. …much? still, anymore bad kitty.
Wow! What a great idea to send a teddy bear with a camera!! Ingenious for the spying types! I was just kidding about the PO box as well
http://ie.youtube.com/watch?v=jVDdGXF6RYc&feature=related
I will send you an oversized teddybear marina…… God, I had beter start saving.. Postage will be huge
Watch out Marina, RRR is going stuff himself full of thanksgiving stuffing and put on a Teddy Bear suit. Don’t be surprised if you wake up and RRR is sitting on your dresser just smiling away.
CJTA,
Stuffed full, but not Thanksgiving stuffing just crap.
A termite walks into a bar and asks “Is the bar tender here?”
A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar…….Bartender says “Okay you two get the hell out of here.”
Those jokes lack one thing. They lack a feather to tickle your self after hearing them!!! (lol)……………………….but they are saved by your smile !
marina, let me be one of a million people to say that you are the SEXIEST woman I have ever laid eyes upon. I have a word request. Could you do the word masturbate?
I have a question for you Marina : What about the different slang names for “prison” in American and in Russian ? Can you make a typilogical comparison showing the Russian Soul and the American One ?
In French we use the term BISTROT and some Russian People think it is connected to russian BISTRO “quickly” because in 1815 when Napoleon the First lost the war the russian army spent a few days in Paris in the french BISTROTS and they had no much time for drinking a lot of french wine instead of VODKA.
In fact the word BISTROT comes from BISTRE “brownish”, the color of the tables in the taverns in that time.
so there are at least three theories.
I did not see this video Ooops !
But in fact BISTOUILLE is very dubious because the sound BIST could not induce a R . The ending -OT is clearly diminutive and if BISTOUILLE was the root we should have *BISTOT.
Anyway as Marina says it in the movie, it’s not always possible to get the key for every word. Especially for BISTROT that was written for the first time in the 1880’s when many paysants from all France were converging towards PARIS during the INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION. These people brought with them many dialectal terms into the Parisian SLANG (ARGOT in French).
An oldy but goody bar joke is a sign that hangs at my local pub. “Free Beer Tomorrow”
a very drunk vladimir putin stumbles into a bar and orders a bottle of moskovskaya vodka. the bartender says, “i am sorry mr. putin but your over your limit.” putin stumbles out of the bar. later putin returns with dmitry medvedev. medvedev says, “i’ll have a bottle of moskovskaya vodka.”
Purple Box
You must like Purple stuff.
at least there not pink polka dots
Narry a pink box to be seen
She must be off playing “sardines”…
Did I ever tell you guys that one?
Another coed game, like hide and
seek. The one that is he (it) hides
as usual, but those that find him
must hide with him, got it? Sounds
lame but it gets interesting when you
play…
Lessee, if Marina is “it” and we all are
looking; what small space could she
squeeze into where we could all hide?
I figure Kansas is about the right size.
What do you think?
Quebec, more like; maybe even Nunavut wouldn’t be big enough.
Pretty cold up there though, so we’d have to huddle together with teacher to keep warm.
She mentioned me and my request
Homework:
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender “Got any grapes?”
Bartender says “No, this is a bar we don’t serve grapes here.”
Next day the duck walks into the bar “Hey got any grapes?”
Bartender says “NO, I told you yesterday we don’t serve grapes. You come in here again asking for grapes I’ll nail your feet to the bar!!!”
Day three the duck walks into the bar and asks “Hey Mr. bartender, got any nails?”
“No, don’t be silly this is a bar.”
Duck asks “Okay, got any grapes?”
Wow! Congratulations.
I have yet to have the honor.
I think she’s scared to encourage
me anymore than I already am
Wish I could answer your question
about the pigs / cops origin.
I did find this for you, though
Bruce Willis, Danny Aiello
Would you like to swing on a star?
http://youtube.com/watch?v=tVAVCW2t_TE
it deals with pigs (and fish!) Peace!
congratulations smokey it would be like hiting the lottery to me but its not going to happen congratulations to you happy for you
Im glad you posted that joke so I didn’t have to. Thats a joke im famous for on the Island Spirit and the Lady Washington. I know a different version of it.
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender “Got any Duck Food?”
Bartender says “No, this is a bar we don’t serve Duck Food here.”
Next day the duck walks into the bar “Hey got any Duck Food?”
Bartender says “NO, I told you yesterday we don’t serve Duck Food. You come in here again asking for Duck Food I’ll nail your Duck Bill to the post!!!”
Day three the duck walks into the bar and asks “Hey Mr. bartender, got any nails?”
“No, don’t be silly this is a bar.”
Duck asks “Okay, got any Duck Food?”
So I tell this joke to all the passengers just to annoy them. The boss, Jeff, doesn’t call my name to the bridge anymore. He just says “Quack,Quack,Quack,Quack, wheres that duck!”
Other time I would go down to the Galley and ask for Duck Food. One day thats exactly what I got!
I should get my video camera out and video tape my friend Jeff. He is so animated when he tells a joke you’ll laugh just watching him! As you might have guessed, the cruises we go are just a riot. We have way too much fun.
A blind man walks into a bar with a seeing-eye dog. When the blind man reaches the center of the bar, he snatches the dog up by his collar and starts swinging him around and around. The bartender, startled, asks, “Hey, what the heck are you doing?” The blind man says, “Just taking a look around…
You surely dressed up great today!
A man walks into a bar and sees the menu that says HAND JOBS – $2.00 HAM SANDWICH- $3.00. Then the man asks the attractive blonde lady if she does the hand jobs. She says “Yes I do”. The man replies “Then wash your hands because I want a ham sandwich!”
Haha might be a little old but gave me a little chuckle when I first read it.
By the way your polka dots are SO hypnotizing.
This happens to me a lot. I write my
post and then read down the page
where a like minded individual has
the same, or similar notion.
$2.00
what a price change
Cha Cha if you’ll read most of the jokes they just keep repeating themselves. I don’t think anyone is reading the jokes posted earlier.
hey, Marina
first of all, I’d like to say that you are now my dream woman
-looks
-brains
-charm
i know u might get that a lot…
but hey, it’s true
and OOH!
i would like to request the word “DUDE”
it’s safe to say that +75% of my sentences contain the word dude
so…can you please tell me how it came to be?
Dude! I got you covered on the other 25%
awesome dude
lol
A pirate walks into a bar, the bartender goes, “Hey, you know you got a steering wheel on your crotch”, the pirate says “Aargh, I know it’s driving me nuts”.
A pirate walks into a bar, the bartender goes, “Hey, you know you got a steering on your crotch”, the pirate says “Aargh, I know it’s driving me nuts”.
(((((PLEASE DISCARD THIS COMMENT)))))
(((((& PLEASE READ THE ONE ABOVE IT)))))
It could be called a joystick.
The cruise ship I pilot doesn’t have a wheel to steer with. There is this big chrome plated joy stick which I use to drive the ship with.
Here is my homework. A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer, the bartender giveit to him and said that will be 5 cents. The guy shocked looks at he menu above the bar and saids how much is the steak dinner? Twenty-five cents said the bartender. The man orders it and gets a big 1 inch angus steak. The man said you can be making money doing this so why are you doing it? The bartender saids I am doing the same thing to the owner that he is doing to my wife.
oops, someone did the same joke below. I didn’t read the comments until after. sorry.
Three ropes walk into a bar. One walks up to the bartender and says; “I’d like a drink.” The bartender asks, “Are you a rope?” The rope replies, “yes.” The bartender says , “Well, get outta here. We don’t serve ropes.”
The next rope walks up to the bartender and says “I’d like a drink.” “Are you a rope,” the bartender asks. “Yes,” the rope replies. “Well, then get outta here, we don’t serve ropes.”
The third rope gets up and goes to the bathroom, pulls out a comb and combs out all his strands; then he makes himself into a loop, draws one end through the loop, and pulls it tight. He walks up to the bartender, “I’d like a drink.” “Are you a rope,” the bartender asks. “I’m afraid not.”
Works better when spoken.
First time I heard it was a string
turned into a frayed knot.
Still funny
Guess he grew up
Hi this is my 1 st time requesting!
I would like to request the word: Sky
Rene Descartes walks into a bar and orders a beer. As he finishes the bartender asks him “do you want another?”
Descartes replies ” I think not” and dissappears.
How pragmatic! Poof
I love you Marina
Great joke – good delivery
good golly, Miss Molly
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7dHP1Q5YsE
Dcuk walks into a bar says, ‘do you serve lunch here?’
bartender says no so the duck leaves
comes back the next day and asks, ‘do you serve lunch here?’
bartender says no so the duck leaves
comes back the next day and asks, ‘do you serve lunch here?’
the bartender says, ‘no and if you ask me again I’m going to nail your feet to the wall’ so the duck leaves
comes back the next day and says ‘got any nails’
bartender says no
do the duck says, ‘do you serve lunch here?’
A day later the duck comes back again and, before he can say anything, the barman says, “Look here, you duck-head, let me spell it out for you, we do N-O-T serve L-U-F-N-C-H here.”
The duck says, “There’s no F in lunch.”
“That”, says the barman, “is what I’ve been telling you all week.”
Good one!!!
Liked that one, too!
can you do the word: “Fuck”
i have always wonder why you use it as a bad word.
Excuse me for my bad english.. thats why i am looking at this
I think this is what you are looking for:
http://ie.youtube.com/watch?v=CCcCzj_yRtk
It’s still quite profane to use in English and is censored on many TV broadcasts or restricted to late night programming so I don’t think It’s likely to feature here. Might be more interesting to know how certain words have come to be classified as swear words.
Interestingly in Ireland the word ‘Feck’ means exactly the same as ‘Fuck’ but can be said at any time without censorship and is often seen a joke or as a sly way of saying the latter but getting away with it. http://ie.youtube.com/watch?v=zg-10vF5Xhs
http://youtube.com/watch?v=7M9CJUPGIHU
oh boy, what’s he done now?
Because too many people ask for this word I made this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVthSNUBre4
Please everybody play nice now. Here is some party music.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=TNYOgaaAPuM&feature=related
Lol you’re charming ! nice video and interesting info.
i got a joke: a bar walked into a horse and the…wait,thats gotta hurt!
horseflies, barflies – you know how ’tis
callipygous
i would like to suggest the word buffon thanks
I would like to suggest the word PRANK. Thanks
Why? Are you planning one?
Hows this on.
Glad you took my advice on “prank”, Moose And Squirrel!
hahahha, I just love that name, your so original, whoever you are!
It’s me it’s me it’s Ernest T
CP911 sssshhhh
good one marina 5*
very funny i liked the one about the skeleton in the bar good job 
Oh O KAy. (Wher dah ding for dunk)
I I M ah bAhcka fum meye fIEld tRIp do dah bar do inbesttabate bah jOks.
dees do buys, wok indo dis bah.
Yo Hoo knano, iffy u asp fo dinks @ ah bah, dey gib em do u.
eye donut dink be waka utha der.
eye dell evebuddy abut hatfurverbs.
dey Say deh gobah sublime do bah canal.
hEp be tea her i dink dah joob bee o me.
eye go ah be hub uber to mur o.
Thank God we already have a lesson for that already.
Another successful field trip?
LMAO!
I just watched your bar & pub episode…………………. well a dear friend of mine just mailed me this & I thought of “YOU” MARINA might really like it……. I did haha http://www.tagtele.com/v/11924 please let me know how you liked it ? Thanks
Kind Regards
agorillo
I don’t know about Miss M, but I thought it was very funny and good.
Marina couldn’t say “no” to world peace!
(that’s in MY collection now!)
I thought it was very funny. Even the performer was stunned.
Three pieces of string go into a pub (bar), the first piece of string tries to order a round of drinks and the publican (bartender) states that he doesn’t serve pieces of string. The second piece of string also tries and fails in similar fashion. The third piece of string roughs up his hair and ties himself up real tight. As he approaches the bar (bar) the bartender (publican) looks suspiciously and asks if he is yet another piece of string and he replies “No! I am a fraid knot!”
x for teacher x
When someone is taking a photo, they always tell the person that there taking a picture to say “cheese”. I was wondering why do they say cheese. When did saying the word “cheese” when taking a picture first started. Thank you very much.
Fawwaz
So this guy has the same routine in the same pub five nights a week. Two shots & two beers side by side and he sips from each one of them “My brother in the ol’ country does the same. So even though we’re half the world away we still drink together.” Then one night, out of the blue, he walks in and says “Bartender, give me one shot and one beer.” Shocked the bartender does then comes back a few minutes later “Listen, I’m really sorry about your loss.” Surprised, “What loss could that be?” the mans laughs. “Well, you’re only drinking one beer and one shot.” Laughing the man says “Oh, my brother’s fine, couldn’t be better. I just decided to go on the wagon.”
Marina
You know I love ya but those are the worst jokes I’ve ever heard. Don’t quit your day job!
I guess you haven’t hear the one
about an elephant and a little
mouse with the Corvette, eh?
(Captain Jack, I’ll tell it to you)
Yea that was funny..
I don’t like all these secret societies that are springing up around here.
HaHaHaHa it sure was I remember that one
I was just thinking of that first bar joke before I watched your video. I heard that one from the new animated series of The Batman. I think it was when Joker was trying to become the new Batman, and tried to use his toxin to turn Batman into the new Joker. It sounds a little twisted, but kinda funny.
And I don’t think there are any bar jokes that are really that good.
Heres one for you Marina. A panda goes into a bar, he gets a packet of crisps and has a beer. Then he shoots everyone dead in the bar, when the people are found dead, “panda” is looked up in a dictionary…
“Panda”
Eats shoots and leaves
A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says, “I’ll bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye.” The bartender accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass eye and bites it.
He has a few more drinks and asks for his bill again. The bartender reports that his bill now is thirty dollars plus tip. He bets the bartender he can bite his other eye. The bartender accepts knowing the man can’t possibly have two glass eyes. The guy then proceeds by taking out his false teeth and biting his other eye.
Hahahahaha!
Oh, no wonder why I just missed that joke. We both posted at the same time. But that is a pretty good one I haven’t heard before.
Two funny! LOL
Good one James. How was your trip? Ok I hope. Glad your back.
‘Twas good thanks
Dear Marina, I rated your video five stars. For your homework assignment, here are three jokes:
The President of China is at a bar to practice his speech for the Olympics. Hu Jintau starts, “Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.”
An aide runs up and explains, “That’s just the Olympic symbol. The speech starts below.”
A hamburger goes into a bar and asks for a Martini. Thye bartender replies, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
A rich investment banker goes into a bar and sits next to a pigeon who is sipping a beer.
The pigeon says, “With all the mortgage problems these day, I’m better off than you are.”
The banker asks, “How is that possible?”
The pigeon replies, “I can still make a deposit on your new Audi R8 sports car.”
Your dear student, Seesix CM6
I WANT A DOTTED BOX !!!!!!!!
Here you are.
Hey! that matches
Marina’s blouse
pretty good, dude!
Good one Bob
Looks like Incubus got there first… maybe
Nice! I would so work with her outfit. I don’t think anyone would know though.
Freudian slip, CJTA
Bob you said
What secrete societies are you referring too. I am kinda slow so I don’t see any forming. Please advise Uncle Bob
Good morning my dear teacher. I would love to learn about a paradigm. What does paradigm mean?
(this bar joke appeared in the 1990, when we used to pay in Francs, not Euros… don’t mind exchange rates on that one )
Every morning, a man used to sip an expresso at the same bar, every morning, he would pay his 3 francs that way : put a 1franc coin at one end of the bar, one in the middle, one at the other end of that long bar…
The bar tender had to pick them up, rumbling…
One morning, the man paid with a 5 franc note !
‘gotcha’ thought the bartender : he gave the change back : one coin at each end of the bar, with a big smile…
‘Nice of you’ said the man, putting a 1 franc coin in front of him : ‘today I’d love another expresso’
A nicely dressed elderly couple walk into a quiet bar. About halfway through their drinks, the woman leans over and says to her husband, “I just let out a silent one. What do you think I should do?” He replies, “Put a new battery in your hearing aid.”
Pedantickarl, hi whats happening. This is Capman911. I changed my video card to a PCI instead of the agp and I am having the best luck with it. No more of the problems I had before. What refresh rate should I set it at for maximum refresh? Thanks
Mike
Hey Mike, I sent you a message on your YT acct.
Awesome. I try to tell people one way to really speed up a computer is to get a new graphics card. The onboard video chips are just junk!
Could you step out of the car, please?
No, I don’t think so.
Have you been drinking tonight, sir?
Well, yeah, I guess so.
Then why are you driving?
Well, I couldn’t walk….I kept falling down.
Shakespeare walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. “I can’t serve you.” says the bartender. “You’re Bard!”
A woman walks into a bar and asks the barman for a double entendre. And he gives it to her.
Nice!
http://ie.youtube.com/watch?v=PWi7p9xj83I
Thanks for that, Martin. I’ve only ever seen Bill Bailey on QI and thought he was funny, but now I’m a fan.
Excellent! Loved the anachronism bit.
A toothless termite walks into a bar and say” is the bar tender here?
A blind man walks into a bar and say “ouch!”
A dyslexic walks into a bra.
An amnesiac walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Do I come here often?”
The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having adrink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, “Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me.”
So the Doberman says, “I love liver and cheese.” The Collie replies, “That’s not good enough.”
The Bulldog says, “I hate liver and cheese.” She says, “That’s not creative enough.”
Finally, the Chihuahua says, “Liver alone . . . cheese mine.”
Now, whoever can say Moose and Squirrel in the same sentence can have Capman.
When is capman due?
You gave me away.
Hi Uncle Bob
“Now, whoever can say Moose and Squirrel in the same sentence can have Capman.” Thanks a lot Bob, now Marina will never say Moose and Squirrel!
(
Capman really had his heart set on that you know?
(X)
A guy sits down at a bar, orders a beer and reads the sign:
Burger: $3.75
Cheese Burger: $4.25
Fries: $2.25
Hand Job: $25.00
So he calls the outrageously tight blond bartender over and whispers “Hey, are-are you the one who gives the hand jobs?” “I sure am”, she smiles and gives him a wink. Slowly, he looks up and down the bar then says “Well, do me a favor, wash your hands ‘cause I want a Cheeseburger.”
Captain Jack (Sparrow)!
Since you have some influence
around here, I had an idea.
I want my HotForWords
Conduit toolbar so I can
whip through any lesson at will.
I looked into it and the programming
is there to make it possible.
check it out and see what you think.
here’s a link to get you there!
http://www.radio-toolbar.com/
Her you go chacha,
This is just the thing for the HFWs sycophants HERE.
Buy one and send it to Marina as a gift.TEDDY BEARS
How many of these do you think She already has??
Dude, that is WAY overpriced!
That’s a sick idea, too.
How do you change the batteries?
Recall I said to her not to undress in front of her laptop. Some geeky hack has control of it by now. Although you would think the videos would be on Ebay.
I still think a “tasteful” live chat room would go over very well. Like Lisanova has on monday nights. Marina just talks about what ever the hell and people text message her.
I do recall that tip from you.
… and if not on Ebay, they’d
be on the underground sites.
Their isn’t a server fast enough
to handle all the chat. You think
Lisa Nova’s chat screen flies?
It would be a blur, impossible
to read. Speed o’ light!
keep thinking up ideas, they’re
getting better.
and get a new damn gravatar
it’s only funny so long, dude!
I can only handle her bother for about 5 mins, I log out.
I took a look at that toolbar you linked me to. I really like it.
I thought it would be a good asset. Unfortunately to use it would be against Google AdSense policy as I understand it. 
Its a revenue generator toolbar. Thats why its free. Im always cautious. about large companies offering free stuff. Not worth the risk to use it. I think Marina would agree. 
Thanks for letting me know and let me know if you find something else that you think would be cool feature for HFW.
A red outline around my comments, YEAH
Dear Teacher:
I saw this sign in a New York City Tavern:
“If you think the waiters and waitresses are rude and abusive you aught to see the management!”
Isn’t this an ambiguous?
Of course it’s ambiguous – that’s the joke.
A guy walked into a bar and ordered 12 shots of whiskey. The barkeep ask him if he was celebrating something. The man answered yes. He was celebrating his first BJ. Well said the barkeep let me buy you one on the house. The man said if the first twelve want get the taste out of my mouth I know the thirteenth want either.
I can’t remember exactly how it goes but-
A guy at the bar said that he could guess the age of any Scotch that he drank. People were taking bets as the the bartender poured shot after shot. The guy kept guessing the the correct age of the Scotch and one patron kept losing every bet that he placed against the guy. So out of frustration he took a shot glass and squirted a bit of piss into it and handed it to the guy guessing the Scotch’s age. “Here you go, try this.” The guy takes the shot and almost vomits as he yells, “This is PISS!” The loser parton smiled and said, “Yeah, but can you guess how old I am?”
That sound close enough for me Warren. LOL Maybe this will get someone to say moose and squirrel.
Did you say Moose and Squirrel
or how about Tom and Jerry
Cool pics, I like Tom and Jerry
Another re-run
Two atoms were walking down the
street when one suddenly starts
checking all his pockets.
“What’s wrong?”
“I lost an elctron!”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m positive”
I guess the neutron picked
up the charge….
Thats freaking funny!! But I think only you and I love physics styled jokes.