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That’s what I keep trying to tell folks(going …

Comment posted GTW Game XVI by big ed.

That’s what I keep trying to tell folks(going online is my NEW THERAPY!), but for some strange reason they think you have to pay an overworked professional $60/hour just to listen This way I don’t even have to leave the house (unless I want to)

big ed also commented

Chaperone or chaperoni. What-the-fucc-ever, an outdated and humiliating social practice that only found its way into premodern times (ssooo 20th century ) via bourgeois need to “protect” their offspring from doing what Mother Nature intended them to do in the first place! These days, here in what is known as REALITY, teenage guys n gals have cell phones w/ texting (or “sexting”) abilities and/or speed-dial in case things get out of hand. So, if John finally wins Heather’s little head-game of hard to get and convinces her to go out w/ him Saturday night to the Coldplay concert ['cos nothing's safer than being in a public place crowded w/ thousands of loaded, horny & sometimes violent teens/ college kids/ adults (potential pedophiles ); 90% of which are just trying to get laid at all costs], and after a magical evening of: ear-busting music, both kids getting groped/ propositioned by 100s of strangers, getting soaking wet from everyone’s spilled beverages, getting into/avoiding/watching a dozen fights between intoxicated wanna-be’s (who fight like victims of bitchassness), eventually agreeing to “go somewhere more private”, and paying $50 for a $15 t-shirt on the way out. The lovely couple eventually make it back to their vehicle for some quality time by themselves. Now, after 20-45 mins. of kissing, stroking, licking, panting, and desperate bargaining [depending on who paid for everything] Heather stops playing the role of the chaste goody-2-shoes snake-teaser and lets John claim his carnal prize!
The moment of Truth & Judgement is upon us! If Johny-boy knows what he’s doing from countless hours of self-servicing porn study (actually paying attention to the whole turn of events instead of just skipping to the “good parts”) and impresses Heather w/ his skills-that-pay-the-bills, then a great time is had by all, leading to a RELATIONSHIP or at least friends w/ benifits. But, if John fumbles n bumbles around like an ignorant little virgin, keeps repeating how sorry he is for every mistake, skips the foreplay and/or discharges his firearm before getting the chance to draw down on Heather’s kitty — within 2-3 days EVERYBODY at school/work/whatever is laughing at poor John and his complete lack of carnal knowledge/ self control!! Dumbass probably didn’t even suspect her of texting/calling all her fake friends while he was patting himself on the back and disposing of the soiled condom(s) no matter how things went…
If you’re still reading this, the Moral of the Story is : Today’s chaperones are tiny, digital devices known as “cellies”. Oh, and there is no such thing as true privacy anymore. Got to bounce now! (late for my appointment w/ my therapist )

Recent comments by big ed

Alaska
Hell yes! Think about all the money that’s made in Alaska from businesses like the fishing industry and oil production. Not to mention exposure to the Inuit culture.

If I had 100 million dollars, I’d: settle all my debts w/ interest due; give my mother $1 million for supporting me while I’ve been unemployed and to finish improving her house, including getting a real security/alarm system installed instead of me staying up all night w/ no social life to speak of; $1 million each to my father, brother and sister, $0.5 mil to my cousin’s family around the corner; put $50 millie into high interest savings accounts in both the Carribean and Swiss banking systems; $500,000 into savings at a credit union; buy 4.5 millie worth of goverment bonds;continue my self education w/ unlimited resources; another $1 million to improve the neighborhood I grew up in and provide some kind of continued education program free to all who are serious about doing so; $1 millie each to the handful of women I’ve had sex with (just in case!); buy back my Grandfather H.’s farm in Michigan, reconstruct the old farmstead w/ modern improvements/ buy my Grandfather B.’s land in the Florida panhandle, build a comfortable cabin w/ state of the art security system so only animals could come and go as they please; then come back to KCMO and buy my own small house in Independence with a 10 ft. privacy fence around the property, a `93 Chevy Silverado pickup w/ off road tires and blackout tinted windows equipped w/ motorized steel cable wench; then throw down for a insane hotel party at Ameristar for all the my so-called friends w/ a $10,000 investment in psychoactive substances and security personell of my own personal choosing. No alcohol allowed inside! Not responsible for resulting rehab “vacations”.
Oh yeah, start buying most of my food at the River Front Farmer’s Market until my second season’s harvest up north. That just about covers it…
Nerd Word of the Day: Weisure
Actually, I prefer the human version of catnip. But I do try to chase them around, climb and jump over stuff. Just don’t always land on my feet, though!
Nerd Word of the Day: Weisure
Watching my two best buddies (my cats Viktor and Pandora) chase each other around the house, make a mess, climb any & everything taller than themselves and getting blitzed on catnip. Of course I join in on their feline games whenever they let me .
Fight or Flight
Practice what I like to call Waking Meditation. First, learn how to meditate the traditional way: pitch black room/single candle/ no interruptions/mantra/etc.(pick up a book on authentic yoga) Second, master the technique that’s best for you and keep the same mantra. When you can induce an “out of body” state w/ little effort, start chanting your mantra in daily stressful situations without going too far. Eyes open(depending on the situation you’re in) and stay in the moment; if you’re in rush hour traffic you don’t want to drift away to the point where you end up holding up traffic or crashing into anything/person, unless you’re just an agent of chaos. One way to do this is to chant along to whatever music might be playing on the radio, if you don’t simply turn it off.
After countless hours of trial and error, this will become second nature to you.

Or you could just drop out of society, withdraw from all human contact, and lock yourself indoors until your mind snaps and you end up giving in to whatever paranoid delusions might plague your world. But don’t be suprised if the county sends you on a long, magical trip to the Cuckoo’s Nest Resort, aka whichever mental institution matches your family’s income level.
Poop Deck Answer
I get goose flesh every time I talk to a beautiful woman such as yourself, Marina. And it ain’t because I’m skerred!